NL Mid Season Awards

I am going to start this column by saying right off the bat, before you go any farther, read this column. It is by the man himself, Bill Simmons. He wrote his most recent column on awards for the American League since that is all he watches. Considering all I watch is the National League and have seen the Brewers, Cubs, Pirates, Astros, and Cardinals in person, I decided to throw out some NL awards. After you read the Sports Guy's column, you will see that I have used all of the same categories and have come up with NL awards for most of them. I was unable to think of anything for a few of them, and the last item was on its own, independent of league and it was just for Simmons to write, so I didn't even include it here. At any rate, without further ado:

The Brock Landers/Chest Rockwell Award for "Most Entertaining Subplot"

I have to say in the NL it is probably the continuing feud between Jose Guillen and Mike Scoscia, and the budding feud between Nationals manager Frank Robinson and the Angels manager. I know half of this is in the American League, but I just find it interesting that Guillen is still so upset with Scoscia that his new manager is now even upset with Scoscia. It’s great to see a manager stick up for his players like this, but I don’t understand Frank’s beef.

Part of what makes this feud so great is that at this point in the season, it isn’t too far out of the realm of possibility that these teams will be playing each other in October. Do I really think the Nationals are going to continue on this torrid pace and make it to the World Series? No, but it could happen. There would be nothing better than seeing the two managers go out to exchange line-up cards before game one and start a bench-clearing brawl. Can we put odds on this happening, by the way. Actually, scratch that, I forgot that Frank won’t take his card to Mike, so the point is moot, but it would be great entertainment.

The Doctor J Award for "Guy who should always be in the All-Star Game no matter what kind of season he's having."

After looking over the National League lineup, there really isn’t one person who stands out as someone who needs to be there every year and isn’t this year. Three guys who are out with injuries right now should be there every year, well two of them at least. Bonds and Nomar should be there every year they aren’t hurt and Gagne was getting to that point until his elbow finally blew up.

There are definitely guys who are headed in that direction though. Miguel Cabrera, Dontrelle Willis, Aramis Ramirez, Albert Pujols (very close), Scott Rolen, Andruw Jones (probably there already), and when you get down to it, that’s probably it. Other than those guys, there aren’t many young players who need to be all-stars every year to ensure the future of the game.

So for the purpose of this award, we are going to have to just say, “Amen” to what Simmons wrote.

The Shawn Bradley Award for "Most Damning Sign That Your Roto Team is Probably In Trouble This Season"

In the National League, there are really a few people who will have destroyed your team’s chances of winning the title. If you selected Carlos Beltran in the first two rounds, you’re probably not winning your league. .266, 9 HR, and only 4 SB was not what owner’s were expecting from the guy who became a post-season legend after two series.
If you took any Cubs other than Derek Lee and Carlos Zambrano. Everyone else, Prior, Wood, Patterson, Walker, and until recently, Ramirez have been underachieving. Heck, even Mr. 15 wins, Greg Maddux is struggling this season. Patterson is now in the minor leagues, and if you were excited about Prior’s return start against the White Sox and picked him up or put him back in your rotation, you probably want to dive head first off of your couch at this point.

The lesson as always, never trust the Cubs.

The Tony Saunders Memorial Award for "Best Homage to Rodney Dangerfield"

Since I can’t really think of anyone else, I have to go with Dontrelle Willis based on the following Dangerfield quote, “It’s lonely on the top when there’s no one on the bottom.” He is pitching so much better than anyone else in the NL right now, he kind of has to feel this way. Would he be pitching better if there were a few other pitchers going after 13 wins already?

Pedro Martinez and Roger Clemens have probably had the best years so far by players not named Dontrelle, but they haven’t dominated like Willis in every game. If he had some people breathing down his neck for the Cy Young, he’d probably be pitching even better. He’s already proven he can pitch under pressure (see 2003 post season) so you know he’s up to it.

The James Baldwin Memorial Award for "Best Candidate For a Second-Half Collapse"

This goes to an entire team. Everyone say it with me, the Washington Nationals. It absolutely baffles me that this team is are 52-34 at this point in the season. This team was 67-94 last season in Montreal. They could have 54 wins by the all-star break! Not only that, but they are 24-8 in games decided by one run. 24-8! That’s incredible at this point in the season.

Now, nobody outside (and maybe inside) of Washington D.C. believes the Nationals are going to keep this up. Doesn’t everything end up deviating towards the mean during the season? A team can’t (at the current pace) go 48-16 in one runs games can it? I mean, Chad Cordero (who by the way is exactly one month younger than me) has a 1.17 ERA and has converted 31 of 34 save opportunities, but he has to flame out toward the end of the season right? The Braves always win the East, how can the former worst team in the Majors take over this division suddenly?

The team is getting a lot out of its pitching right now, and just enough out of its hitting. Everything that happens this season is just icing on the cake for all of the fans in Washington anyway, so it doesn’t really matter if they lose 15 of their next 23 games, people are still going to love them. I just don’t see them keeping up this pace all season.

The Robert Blake Award for "Manager Most Likely to Become the Next Robert Blake."

This is a tough choice for me. I easily would have decided on Frank Robinson due to his not even coming out of the dugout to give a line-up card to an opposing coach because he doesn’t like him, but after watching a few Marlins games and seeing some of the moves Jack McKeon has made, he gets the award hands down.

McKeon has (among other things) decided to let a pitcher hit in the Marlins half of an inning and then trot out a relief pitcher to start the next half and change pitchers in the middle of an at bat. The guy looks like is just content to sit in the dugout for an entire game and wait for the all-you-can-eat buffet in the clubhouse after the game is over.

He was the oldest coach to win a World Series and doesn’t really look like he does anything anymore. Whatever he decides to do in a game, regardless of situation, he does, and I think it’s because he doesn’t want to have to wait until the right time, because he might not remember the move, or once he gets off the bench, he doesn’t want to have to sit back down unless he’s done something. Case in point for this is the pitching changes on 2-0 counts.

Bobby Cox was close to snagging this one as well with the way he works umpires for ENTIRE games no matter what the score is or if his team is winning. He is relentless, but McKeon looks like Yoda waiting to get up enough energy to kick some serious tail if someone crosses him. Maybe that’s what he’s waiting for by just sitting there on the bench, not doing anything, a la Don Zimmer.

The Ralph Macchio in Entourage Award for "Most Jarring Cameo"

I have to go with the immortal Julio Franco on this one. Here I thought he died 4 years ago, but then I turn on the Cubs/ Braves game on Thursday, and who hits a three run homer off Prior? The same guy who I swear ESPN ran a memorial piece on. But no, he’s hitting .281 with 7 home runs and 28 RBI at the ripe old age of 46. At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if the Cubs started Ryne Sandberg at second base next week.

The Freak Dance Award for "Goofiest Trend"

I honestly don’t know how much of a trend this is, or if any other teams have this, but it is goofy none the less. On Friday nights, the Milwaukee Brewers fans are treated to a 7th inning performance by the cheerleancers (cheerleader/dancers because I don’t really know what they’re called, but it’s not too far away from stripper, that all I do know) of the Milwaukee Bucks.

That’s right, during Take Me Out To The Ballgame and Roll Out The Barrel, there are about 20 scantily clad women dancing on top of the dugouts. I’m not saying I’m completely against this, but it is definitely a little jarring to see cheerleancers at a baseball game. Oh, and that’s all they do, just dance that inning and leave. Granted, these women do look better than the few caught on film in Major League, but still. Someone please let me know if this is happening at other parks.

The Brady Anderson Award for "Best Freddie Lynn Impersonation"

I am going to go with another homer pick here and say Rickie Weeks. I don’t know if this category is racially biased or not, but I am going to go with Weeks. He definitely looks like the coolest guy on the field, and is going to be a star, which is already evident. He plays the game with seemingly little effort, but is still excellent and will only get better. He always hustles, is showing pretty good pitch selection and patience for a young player, and seems to be an all around good guy.

If this has to be a white-guy, I am going to have to say J.J. Hardy then. Definitely number two on the Brewers in the coolest looking guy on the field contest. His hitting is improving and his defense is top notch.

Either way, it’s a Brewer.

The Mariah Carey Award for "Most Unexpected Career Resurgence"

Not to say the guy’s career was in a downturn, but nobody expected Pedro Martinez to be pitching this well for the Mets. He is 9-3 with a 2.80 ERA, 129 strikeouts, and already has twice as many complete games as last season with 2.

He is giving the Mets everything they hoped for and more. Like I said, he hadn’t exaclty disappeared, but I don’t think anyone expected him to be doing quite so well this season, the ace on a new team in a new league. Well done Pedro.

The Tom Cruise Needs to Be Taken Down With A Taser Award for "Most Startling Ongoing Story"

I agree completely with Bill Simmons on this award.

The Road House: The Musical Award for "Most Underreported Ongoing Story"

I guess I would have to go with Derek Lee being in contention for the triple cro… what? They talk about this everyday? Oh. Really? Well, in that case, I will have to say the fact that the Cardinals are up 12 games in the National Central. They have the best record in the League by only 2.5 games, but the second place Astros would be in a tie for last place in the East and in second place 3.5 games out in the West, respectively.

How has the Cardinals all but clinching the Nl Central already not been more of a story. Yes, I know there is half a season left, but no one is catching the Cardinals.

The Pat Sajak Award for "Least Ambitious Athlete"

I have no idea on this one, so again, there’s a reason Simmons is a professional and I am copying his idea.

The JD Drew Award for "Most Tantalizing Potential That Makes Roto Owners Somehow Think He's 10 times Better Than He Actually Is"

There is to be absolutely no discussion about this. One name and one name only, two words, five syllables, Co-rey Patt-er-son. Absolutely, unequivicably the Michael Vick or Carmelo Anthony of Fantasy MLB.

The Sofia Coppola in Godfather 3 Award for "Most Desperate Casting Move"

This is kind of weak, but it’s something which could win the award every year. Any pitcher willingly going to pitch for the Rockies. This is going to be the place where pitchers go to die and it seems like just now enough of them have tried and failed (Mike Hampton) that no more star pitchers in a contract year are going to say, “Hey, I’ll do well this year, and sign a huge deal with Colorado and feed my ego and prove how good I am by winning 10 games there”. It’s just not going to happen.

The "Napoleon Dynamite" Award for "Most Inexplicable Success Story"

There’s nothing really more I can say, but the Washington Nationals. On pace for 109 wins this season and stopping the Braves streak of owning the National League East Division. Absolutely unbelievable.

The Bobby Simmons Award for "Best Player That Nobody Realizes is Good Yet"

I am specifically trying not to make this whole thing about the Cubs and Brewers, but Rich Hill of the Cubs. This guy has Barry Zito like snap on his hook. Hopefully the Cubs will realize this soon and bring him up for good.

The Sean Penn Award for "Best Meltdown"

It hasn’t happened yet, but it’s coming. The moment Barry Bonds comes back or speaks with the media and someone brings up steroids or anything even remotely relating to or sounding like steroids, he is going to absolutely blow up.

This is like a volcano that has been simmering for 3 years and is now ready to explode. When this happens, I am ready for anything from punching a reporter in the face, to ripping off someone’s head on national television, to driving down the highway in a white Bronco. I am really preparing myself for anything with this one.

The Being Bobby Brown Award for "Best Show That Nobody Is Really Talking About For Whatever Reason"

Again, the St. Louis Cardinals. The second best team in baseball (well based on record anyway). I don’t understand why the talking heads aren’t going crazy about this team everyday. All they do is win. Doesn’t matter who they are playing, or who is pitching for or against them, they just win.

Maybe we are all just waiting for September and October when baseball gets great, but for whatever reason, no one is talking about this team which does everything well, and has one of the biggest stars in the game playing for it (Albert Pujols).

Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed that as much as the Bill Simmons original on the American League.

-Until next time...