Diary of a Draft: 2005

Coming to you live from my parents basement in Waukesha, I am joined by fellow Brew City Beater Todd, who we will refer to as Fabos, Our Turn Next’s Gaddis, our buddy Kyle and our friend Todd Platta.

Pick 1: No brainer here, everyone feels it’s Alex Smith

Pick 3: The Browns select Braylon Edwards. Fabos is the first to point out that is a sharp looking dude. Holy crap, how many kids does Braylon have? Someone should send Shawn Kemp to give him “the speech.”

Pick 4: The Bears pick Cedric Benson. The Bears pick Cedric Benson? Why? I’ll defer to our resident Bear fan Gaddis here and ask why? Gaddis’ answer: I don’t get it either, didn’t you just sign Thomas Jones last year? Kyle says it looks like Benson just woke up from a rough night. Actually it looks like he just woke up from a rough eight years, jeez that guy means business. Oh and by the way none of us had Benson as the first to cry, we all had Dick Vermiel.

Pick 6: Titans take Dave Chappelle dressed up as Lil’ John, oh wait that’s Pac-Man Jones. Gaddis also posses the first real legitimate question of the day, “If the Commissioner trips while walking to the podium, what do you do and does it still count as getting your pick in on time?”

Pick 7: First of all this sucks because the draft is going as expected so far, and secondly why do you take Troy Williamson over Mike Williams? Thank god the Vikings are dumb. You take Williamson just because he is fast? I mean this is just like 98 when the Titans took Kevin Dyson over Moss. How’d that one work out?

Pick 10: Seriously will something different hap………oh my god, the Lions did what? Great. Just as I say thank god we don’t have to face Mike Williams twice a year, we apparently have to face Mike Williams, Roy Williams, Charles Rogers, Kevin Jones, Marcus Pollard and Jeff Garcia twice a year. Since when does Matt Millen know what he’s doing.

Pick 12: As the Chargers take Merriman, Fabos is the first to point out Rodgers may be there at 24. Kyle also questions if the NFL is racist. “Seriously, how many white guys have been taken?” To which I respond “Just one, you should contact Jermaine O’Neal and the two of you can do something about these two racist leagues.”

Pick 13: The Saints move up to take Aaron Rodgers or Thomas Davis or Derrick Johnson, right. JAMAAL BROWN? OK, there’s Bears dumb, there’s Vikings dumb, and then way off in a totally different galaxy there’s the Saints. You had the worst defense in the league last year, Mike McKenzie is threatening to pull a McKenzie and hold out, and you trade up to take a tackle that would have been there at 16 anyway? I wish we played the Saints twice a year.

Pick 14: Does Rodgers go here to Carolina?

Pick 15: Does Rodgers go here to KC?

Pick 17: Gaddis, Fabos and I contemplate spawning a third blog. filzenisgay.blogspot.com, or ihatefilzen.blogspot.com.

Pick 18: Minnesota takes Erasmus James, and Fabos is livid. “Dammit, I really wanted to root for Erasmus, not anymore!”

Pick 21: The Lions going with Williams was a surprise, but the Jaguars just took Matt Jones, Matt freaking Jones at #21. Why? If you want him trade down to get him, and what is he going to play? If you’re playing him at wide out, why not take Mark Clayton, and if he’s a tight end you do realize that Heath Miller is on the board, don’t you?

Pick 23: Okay Rodgers is going to be there, do you take him…….oh what’s this, the Raiders move up? Ok Rodgers is gone. What?! Fabian Washington.

Pick 24: Aaron Rodgers is a Packer, and I officially begin to backtrack. I started this process saying Smith Is clearly better and Rodgers will be the next Harrington, now I love the guy. “This is the steal of the draft!” I am going to start the Aaron Rodgers fan club, just don’t give him number 7. Fabos is juiced up. “This could be one of the best draft’s I’ve seen them have!”

Pick 25: I am not even going to repeat what is being discussed about 10 year olds at this point.
Still Pick 25: Platta is the first to question Torry Holt’s sexuality. “His tie looks like wrapping paper and a bow.” “I bet he’s the fist guy to pat his teammates on the ass when they score.”

Pick 26: First of all I still can’t believe the Pack got Aaron Rodgers, but seriously what the hell are the Seahawks doing. Man do they miss Teddy Thompson.

Pick 27: It’s already going on 5:00, what have I done all day? Platta takes off.

Pick 28: When did Luis Castillo stop playing second base for the Marlins? And everyone says converting Matt Jones is going to be tough.

Pick 29: A minor grill mishap nearly sets the lawn on fire, and Gaddis just sits there and watches. Thanks for the help.

Pick 30: Heath Miller to the Steelers. The Jets were so hard up for a tight end that they traded their first pick to the Raiders for Doug Jolley, when if they would have kept the pick they could have taken the best tight end and one of the best players in the draft. Doug Jolley sucks. The Packers should have seen if they could have gotten a second rounder from the Jets for David Martin.

Second Round

Pick 39: “I think this could be Mark Bradley.” “No way.” Gaddis says. “With the 39th pick, the Chicago Bears
select…Mark Bradley, Wide Receiver Oklahoma.” Man I’m good at this.

Pick 45: Lofa Tatupu? Two picks, both reaches for the Seahawks.

Pick 46: Gaddis and Kyle take off.

Pick 47: Mike Nugent. I think he’ll pan out into a great kicker, but as a packer fan we remember all too well what happened to the last Ohio State specialist taken a bit high, who won awards at his respective position and was rated as the best at his position. Cough..BJ Sander..cough.

Pick 49: Dan Cody, Justin Miller, Bryant McFadden, Channing Crowder, OJ Atogwe, Justin Tuck and Darryl Blackstock. I love all of these guys and they’re all still on the board. Man this could be a great draft.

Pick 51: Nick Collins? Excuse me? Who? No, no, no.

Pick 53: Great there goes Cody. Well at least those other guys are left.

Pick 57: And Justin Miller, hey some of those guys are still left.

Pick 58: This is some sick joke right? Terrence Murphy? Why the hell are we taking a receiver in the second round. This has officially become a Mike Sherman draft. I can’t believe this. I want to go home now, and I’m already home.

Pick 62: McFadden’s gone.


Third Round

Pick 66: There goes Atogwe.

Pick 67: Cleveland takes Charlie Frye. Great pick. They have their receiver, they already took Brodney Pool and now they have their quarterback.

Pick 70: OK now I’m pissed! Channing Crowder just went to the Dolphins. If we couldn’t have gotten him, I at least wanted to see him go to the Raiders.

Pick 87: Wow Scott Starks goes in the third round.

Pick 88: We’re up next and I’m really nervous. Wait, did I miss Anttaj Hawthorne going? Oh my god he’s still on the board? Please be Anttaj at 89.

Pick 89: The Packers trade the pick to Carolina for two fourth rounders. Well at least I won’t be disappointed again when they take another guy I haven’t heard of.

Pick 95: Great, there goes Blackstock to the Cardinals.

Pick 100: Seriously, why hasn’t Anttaj gone yet? Is it just because of the pot? I mean I know you have to be pretty close to retarded if you test positive at the combine, when they tell you ahead of time that you WILL be tested, buy you’re going to tell me Hawthorne is dropping just for that and Luis Castillo goes in the first round after taking roids? Fabos suggests we forever reefer, excuse me, refer to him as Anntaj “Hooka” Hawthorne.

Pick 101: Well, what d’ya know, Maurice Clarett goes to the Broncos with the last pick of the first day. I personally love this pick. He has no excuse for not succeeding in this system, and as Bill Parcells put it, he’s cornered. If he doesn’t pan out in the NFL he won’t get another shot, he’ll have to enter the working world. And besides, lets not forget that if this OSU fiasco doesn’t go down Clarett is easily a first or second rounder today. That’s assuming he played to the level he did in his freshman year this past year.

Well that will do it for day one. Fabos and I, and I’m sure Gaddis, Kyle and Platta all feel like crap from eating brats, peanuts, chips, salsa, and downing beer all day. Hey, anyone wanna do this again tomorrow for rounds 4-7?

Oh my god, its after 10:00. What have I done all day?